Who am I, I mean really?

Many years ago, one of my closest friends Richard gave me a Tee Shirt designed by his Father who was a renowned Artist. That Shirt was one of my favorite tees and I wore it till it fell apart. It had the question “Who am I”  written all over the shirt and designed in such a way (that only a phenomenal Artist could have done) that it gave you cause for pause.  Thanks Richards Dad. Thanks Richard. 🙂

I was super young then but I still gave it some thought. The shirt reminded me of my life and the fact that I was born and lived in a family, that was ordained by God. I had nothing to do with that. So many things were out of my control but in his.  But at the time, I was aware that the question called on me to find my path.

I do not think I have done it all. I do not think I have seen it all but like many of us who are Christian, I believe that I have been guided in my life by God when I sought it. I seek that guidance with monastic dedication now since I know it works!! Try it!!  But for many years and sometimes. I chased down my path and did what I thought felt good. Now I know better and so I do better.

Ha! In case, you have not determined now, I am strong and confident. I also love life and love being around people even though I am very happy to be on my own too. For a long time, I did not embrace the fact that I was strong but am also a softie who feels people’s hurt a little more than others. I wanted all my family to be happy and worked at it, tirelessly. Wanted to help my friends and strangers, still do, still empathize. I was all around soft and strong at the same time. Wow, I shared my truth.  Wheeee….   🙂

Soft about humanity and strong in life by his grace. The softness in me and strength has also enabled me forgive those who have been horrid and awful to me and those I love.  Forgiveness is a mandatory Christian virtue. It is a sine qua non for a rich Christian walk.

The reason for this blog. Hmm… If anyone reads my “About me” intro, you will see that I love study and love the Law. I know that God has blessed me with very good intellect aka book smarts, and so I pursued that with vigor. Then I found that it was just a part of who I was. Just a part! I am so much more than quick thinking or analytical. The other parts made me whole in him.

Who I am? The search for fulfillment in life is dynamic and ongoing. I do not think it is found in Marijuana fumes or study of everything under the sun. It is not found in knowledge of the law of sciences either-no matter how you love both 🙂 .  The search is found in having the courage to do things, new things. By stepping out in courage when it seems crazy to even try. To live life even though people see you differently. To love others no matter what. To speak up as a Christian even in a secular setting. To stay true to your vows no mater what. To love your children through all they do or not do.  And through it all PRAY without ceasing.

Who am I, I mean really? I keep striving. Keep trusting and loving God. I keep moving forward and trying to find joy in things I do. In the small and large. Expressing love when I have the chance to do so. Showing forgiveness, forgiving no matter what. Tying to live right. Forgiving myself for mistakes I have made. Waiting for each day with expectation. Being happy of at least full of joy.  This is possible only through the God in me.

Who am I? I mean really? Beneath the height-am quite tall, love of athletics and participation in it,  my lots of hair, family name, many many degrees-HA, Certificates, friendships, achievements, and above it all, I am a Child of God. That trumps everything else. That makes me who I am.

Really, I am a human being whose sense of self comes from a deep and Spiritual place. Comes from the God in me. From the peace he gives. From being many things and knowing that the God shaped hole in my heart needed to be filled. And now for so long and for so many many years, I know that God is here in me. I am who I am meant to be as I go to be the person the Holy Spirit continues to bless, guide and direct.

Ha! Opinionated, yes. But full of the love of God and compassion for humanity and myself. Trusting in God. At peace with his love. Full of hope for the future. That is who I am, I mean really.  I wish you the same. I mean totally!

Have a great weekend and bask in the love of Christ and the joy of our Lord. Amen!